Fears
by AshlynnElizabeth
Summary: One day, one hour, one minute, one second, one case gone horribly wrong, and one more family member lost forever. Fourth in the gone series. Can be read as a stand alone, but would make more sense if you read the first three.


Title: Fears

Author: Ashley

Rating: T

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Ship: JJ/Emily, mentions of previous Reid/Morgan, hints of previous Rossi/Gideon, and Morgan/OC.

Summary: One day, one hour, one minute, one second, one case gone horribly wrong, and one more family member lost forever. Fourth in the gone series.

Disclaimer: On my profile. Warnings: Character Death

Author's Notes: It's been five years since Gideon passed away. If you haven't read my other three stories in this series, then you probably should. This story is from Hotch's POV. Please read and review, they are love to me!

I tried not to let the pain show, but it was a desperate and futile attempt to stay string for my team… My family. Jack was fidgety in the seat beside me, and Adrianna was unusually solemn, sitting on her mother's lap. Derek and Anthony were completely silent beside Penelope, their hands clasped tightly around one another's. Derek's arm was draped loosely around Penelope's shoulders, which were shaking with sobs. JJ had her hand wrapped firmly in Emily's, and with her other hand she was holding onto Penelope's, a silent attempt to comfort her.

As the preacher droned on about Elle's achievements, and her importance in the community, Dave clenched a small piece of fabric tighter in his hand. I almost wanted to reach out and wrap my hand around his, but he'd proven in the past couple of weeks that no one could really be of any consolation to him. He had been the one in the house with Elle when the bomb went off; he was the one that Elle pushed out of the room. Elle had seen the bomb, and shoved Dave out of the way before slamming the door and although she had somehow managed to survive the explosion initially; the trauma had proved too much for her to overcome. After she spent three days fighting tirelessly for her life, her body gave up on her and her brain shut down. Dave and I were forced to make the difficult decision a week later to pull the plug on the life support a week and a half later.

"I believe Agent Rossi wanted to say a few words?" The preacher asked then, and Dave climbed to his feet, still holding that piece of Elle's shirt, that he refused to relinquish to anyone, tightly in his hand.

"Elle was one of my best friends and she was always there for me," he took a deep breath, "when she screamed bomb I had hoped that she would run, but she didn't. She had realized what I had not, and she was farther in the room than me. It was either one or both of us, and Elle valiantly chose to die to save my life. I will never forget the sacrifice that she made for me. "Elle saved many people over the years with selfless actions and a determined attitude. Her last act was proof of her selflessness and bravery. She was, and still is, a hero. Courageous in the face of anything life had to throw at her, she was a fighter 'til the very end." I could feel the tears I had been holding back since Elle died spill down my cheeks, and many more people were sobbing now. Dave cast his eyes skyward and his voice got very thick, "We love you Elle, and we will always miss you. Make sure you give Reid and Jason our love." Dave slowly made his way back to his seat before dropping heavily into it. Emily then got up, and set Adrianna into JJ's lap.

"Colors fade, friends shed tears. We have all discovered our worst of fears. Here one minute, gone the next. No more phone calls, no more texts. You were a close friend, a loved one, and so much more. You have opened our eyes and opened the door. We will never forget you, we will miss you forever. You will live in our hearts forever. Colors fade, friends shed tears. We have all faced our very worst of fears." Emily's voice was a little shaky but she held her head high, despite the pain that was more than evident in her eyes.

"As FBI agents, one of our worst fears is being injured or even killed out in the field. As a family, that fear runs so much deeper; as a member of a family the fear for yourself is nothing in comparison to the fear of losing a member of our family. It is a heartbreaking and damaging thing and nothing is ever the same. In the past six years we have lost three very important members of our family, family that was taken away before their time, before we were ready, or had a chance, to say goodbye." Emily took a deep breath, and for a moment it looked as though she would finally succumb to tears, but she looked at Adrianna and took another breath. "It's common to hear laughter in the bullpen of the BAU, or on the jet when we are on our way home from a case, but now that another spark in our family is gone, and that laughter will be reduced: to be replaced by quiet conversations and gentle consolations. Elle's presence in our lives will never be filled, and her absence will always leave a hole in everything we do."

"Mommy, where is Aunt Elle at?" Adrianna's innocent and pure question rang through the cemetery, even though it was only directed to JJ, and the tears Emily had been trying so hard to hold back spilled over onto her cheeks.

"Aunt Elle is with the Angels, baby," Emily whispered, just loud enough for all of us to hear through the silence , as she set a red rose on top of the polished casket. "But I want her to come back momma, I miss her." Emily smiled sadly and stepped away from Elle's casket to scoop her daughter up into her arms. One by one we stood and placed our roses on top of her casket. We all stood back and watched as they lowered her casket and everyone else besides us left the cemetery.

Jack and Adrianna were holding hands standing in between me, Emily and JJ. Emily and JJ were staring at the casket with tears in their eyes, and Adrianna slipped her little hand into JJ's. Anthony and Derek stood on either side of Penelope, each holding one of her hands. Dave was the first one to step up and drop a handful of dirt over the coffin, after a few seconds we all followed before just standing back and watching the cemetery workers finish burying her. We stood there for some time, just staring.

Elle Marie Greenaway

Rest in Peace Loving Friend, Daughter, and Hero

January 5, 1978 – May 10, 2016


End file.
